Jon Stewart: What Candidate Won The ‘Tuches Kiss-Off’ At The GOP Jewish Forum?

Did you know that, in America, Jewish people celebrate a winter holiday that isn’t Christmas? It’s called the Republican Jewish Coalition Forum, Jon Stewart explained, and it helps Jewish Republicans decide who among the extremely Christian GOP candidates loves them the most.

Rick Santorum shared that he’d purchased “one of those, you know, tiles” from Israel, Rick Perry visited the Western Wall, and Michele Bachmann – ever the overachiever – embarked on a kibbutz shortly after graduation.

“Michele Bachmann loves Israel so much,” Stewart commented, “she was willing to join a socialist collective.” (Although, SHOFAR OF HISTORY ALERT SIREN, she was a liberal before she ventured away from the dark side.) In fact, she scored a remarkable “Super Star of David” on the Official Daily Show Yarmulkometer. She’s got shiksappeal, that one.

But it was Newt Gingrich who actually stole the show, winning a standing ovation from the crowd as he regaled them with teleprompter jokes. Mitt Romney, however, earned an embarrassing “I Have No Candidate” for messing up a Seinfeld joke.

And Ron Paul? Well Paul, you’ll recall, was not invited to the event because, according to RJC executive director Matt Brooks, it’d be “like inviting Barack Obama.” The group is, in other words, less than delighted with Paul’s ideas where Israel is concerned.

“Good call not inviting any presidential candidates to your forum who might disagree with you, ” said Stewart. “Wouldn’t want to turn it into a debate. You know, if there’s one thing Jews can’t stand, it’s arguing.”

Have a look, from Comedy Central:

(Alex Alvarez, 12.09.2011)

RELATED: Report: Bachmann Taking Support From Romney Because Jewish Donors Think She’s Jewish

RELATED: Republican Jewish Coalition Not Inviting Ron Paul To Forum Because It’d Be ‘Like Inviting Obama’

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